End of Act I
Hello, Balance in Flow Community!
It’s been a while since our last chapter! Have no fear; Balance in Flow is far from done unfolding, but there are some changes in my life and my process for this project. I want to take this opportunity to reflect on the history of the project and update you on where it’s headed. Consider this the end of Act I. We’ll take this intermission to review a bit of what we’ve learned and define where Act II will take us. I like to think of Act I as a musical artist’s first release; it’s filled with years of music they’ve been dying to get off their chest; it’s passion-filled, exciting, and, more times than not, an album born out of heartbreak. The second release often has to be more thoughtful. Perhaps, thematically, the artist moves on to discuss their experience of confronting fame or addiction or their latest love or loss, but no matter what, the second release is fundamentally different: it’s production less raw, the themes more evolved (hopefully) and a lot of this is because the artist’s life has fundamentally changed as a result of the first release, they’re famous or have more time, resources or connections to put into their work. For me, Act II of Balance in Flow is going to require three things: more research, more personal stories, and more collaboration with other voices. These things will take more time than publishing every two weeks.
From the Bottom of My Heart, Thank you 🙏
Reflecting on Balance in Flow could not start anywhere else than the immense amount of gratitude I feel for all of you who have read any piece of this project. The most beautiful part of this process has been the rich conversations I’ve had with old friends and loved ones I wouldn’t have had otherwise. When I started writing Balance in Flow, I thought I’d mostly just talk about it with my yoga teacher friends, but it turns out the most vocal audience has been old friends from college, family members, and high-school teachers who don’t have much if any formal yoga practice. This is really touching because it makes this work feel connected to the entire history of my life rather than just this most recent season of yoga teaching. I know how hard it is to find time to read long-form text these days, and the fact that 100 of you have chosen to invest some of that time in my work means the world to me.
Some of you pay for this subscription, and those small contribution really do makes a difference in supporting my vision of taking a leap into working on writing and teaching full-time. If the changes to the publishing cadence discussed today don’t sit well with you, you can always change your contribution rate or continue to follow along as a free subscriber. This publication has provided a surface for me to ask for your support as a developing teacher. The other way you can support is to share this work with people in your life who could find it useful.
What are you, the readers, saying about Balance in Flow?
There were half a dozen of you who reached out after Chapter 1 on Strength to say, “Jake, I’ve been lifting everyday for the first time in years, your writing gave a whole new depth of meaning to getting stronger.”
Others were brought to tears, one of you sharing: “Your chapter on self-love has me sobbing. It’s funny- I read and pause to reread and see what comes up. I’ll see some sentences I disagree with, and I summon up the why, and I’ll have a full-on conversion with myself about why that’s triggering, and then when I’ve rationalized, I’ll read the next part & you’ve cleared it up with graceful balance, & I’m back to being fully engaged and in agreement.”
Some of you have been intellectually stimulated and drawn back to revisit the text “I’ve enjoyed reading ‘Freedom: Self-expression and (re)writing your own rules’ recently. I find myself going back to dig deeper into it.”
For some it’s become a ritual of connection: “I read it with my partner each Sunday morning as soon as it comes to my inbox. Every single chapter you release sets the course of our next two weeks.”
Meta-Reflection: Looking Back at How the Process Emobdies The Teachings
“There are three ways to teach: by example, by example, and by example” - Albert Schweitzer
“The world changes by your example, not your opinion” - Paulo Coelho
A lot of my writing can be rather abstract so, let's draw back the curtains of abstraction and dig into the details of how the lessons in Balance in Flow have applied to my own personal experience of writing Balance in Flow. The writing process was just one of defending the time and getting out of the way as the words channeled onto the page. Each week the next chapter would just naturally reveal itself. So, in the beginning, releasing a chapter every two weeks made a lot of sense to create a structure for free expression. This was a perfect example of choosing a rule to give structure to your freedom that we discussed in Chapter 3 Freedom: Self-expression and (re)writing your own rules. At this juncture, I’m rewriting the releasing every two weeks constraint. I’m so grateful I stuck to this structure for so long, as this rule was crucial to getting this work off the ground. However, my circumstances and the maturity of the work have outgrown this constraint.
In the beginning, I had so much to say from years of lessons lived, spiritual texts read, and all the pent-up ideas I couldn’t fit into a few breaths in Down Dog during vinyasa classes. I also was going through heartbreak, which has a way of really cracking open the creative floodgates.
We started with a chapter redefining strength because I was feeling weak and needed to find the strength to pull myself up. Reflecting on feelings of weakness, I realized it stemmed from a lack of safety which birthed the question what is strength if not expandin the domain in which you feel safe? During this time, I realized I could be way stronger by asking for support than I could on my own. This looked like reaching out to friends when I was feeling sad and lonely. I saw that pretending to feel stronger than I truly did would be self-abandoning. In this way, true strength had to be rooted in acceptance. Each day was built of acceptance, commitment to safety, and doing hard things on purpose.
So what’s changed in me? In the past month, I have had the least mysterious case of writer’s block ever: I moved to a new house, traveled for my day job, and embarked on a beautiful new loving relationship. Logistically the circumstances of my life made it impossible to write the way I used to. I was exhausted and needed to spend the time I had to myself resting (ala chapter 7 All the Growth is in the Rest). However, it goes deeper than that, these days, I am not in the “cracked open” state of heartbreak, quite the opposite, actually. This transitions into a more content disposition is not to be missed but met with patience and a mindset of abundance. This echoes Chapter 5 Change: Patience through Transition, and Chapter 9, Trusting Your Intuition: A Mindset of Patience, & Abundance. I am not a naturally patient person. I am a dreamer who wants to realize those dreams instantaneously. As such, patience is really at the very heart and soul of my yoga meditation practice. I’m obsessed with it, and it means something new every day. Patience right now means having the appropriate space and energy in my schedule to enjoy new romance rather than clinging to the cadence of writing that dug me out of heartbreak. It’s a skill to recognize the good times rather than rushing through them. At the same time, my intuition tells me this work is not finished; my writing remains as important as ever! In an exciting way I get to re-learn how to be creative when the drive is towards purpose instead of away from despair. So in this time of rebalancing schedules, repacing expectations, reconciling priorities and recalibrating my process, I’m asking myself questions like:
What does it look like to create because you want to, not because you have to?
From a place of nourishment rather than hunger, how can I stay tenacious rather than becoming complacent?
What needs to change about the work itself?
The nature of the work is also changing in a few ways: Act II needs to be better researched, more personal, and more collaborative. The easier topics have been written about; the foundation well set. Now it is time to launch into bigger ideas and dig deeper into nuance. Instead of opening the fire hose and getting out of the way of the words, the work is now in searching for what needs to be explored next. I started writing a chapter recently on non-dualism and realized it was “too big.” I was not really prepared to write it, certainly not in just two weeks. This was not the first time I found myself shying away from a topic that felt “too big to do justice in just two weeks.” The work now is not just writing but researching and having discussions with wise teachers to source from their richer understanding of these topics. If I am to truly love this work, I must deeply accept that my knowledge is limited and seek to scale through studying the perspectives of others. This echoes Chapter 2 on self-love, prioritization, and acceptance. I hope this will include not only engaging with teachers of old through reading spiritual texts, but also interviewing our modern teachers and having their stories be inspiration for how to integrate these ideas into daily life. In this way, embracing “life among the birds” we addressed in Chapter 4 on community.
In Chapter 8, we discussed consistency. My consistency rule is no longer a rule of consistent publishing rate, but now one focused on setting enough time aside in my week to focus on all aspects of this research and writing and publishing when something feels complete. I hope that will still mean publishing monthly, but I’m letting go of publishing cadence as a success metric.
Finally we arrive at the only yet-to-be-mentioned chapter on confrontings addiction. This chapter is relevant to this transition in two ways. First, we discussed my own struggles with workaholicism. As a recovering workaholic, relaxing on deadlines is painful; it goes against an attachment to a certain output-based sense of self-value. This chapter also represents the most personal sharing I’ve done about my own struggles in life, and I believe this opening up with more of this kind of vulnerability is something that will be crucial to Act II.
Refining the Who and the Why: Dreaming Out Loud
I’ve had the unique pleasure of watching one of my highschool teammates grow into a true hero of mine. Chris Patrick’s‘From the Heart Vol 2’ poster hangs on my wall for daily inspiration. I got to catch up with Chris while he was touring through Portland. He shared the following wisdom when describing his journey from being discouraged trying to fit into the college system, and beat down by a 9-to-5 at Best Buy to living out his Dreams of touring the country and sharing his lyrical genius with sold-out shows:
“Pulling yourself outta darkness means finding something inside you that must be shared with the world and then take the leap to a position where you simply can't not do it.” - Chris Patrick
When I heard that I instantly knew that’s what I want to help people with: using self-expression to pull themselves out of darkness. That’s what this book has been about for me.
I originally started writing this book as a text to make spirituality accessible to those who often felt left-behind by religious texts, lost by sanskrit or just left questioning if they were a “spiritual person”. As it’s unfolded I’ve discovered this book is actually for a little more precise of an audience. This book is for those looking to develop their spirituality who struggle with self-worth issues that might take the form of many flavors of existential questions. Perhaps that of depression (am I worth getting up for?), addiction (am I worth getting better for? am I strong enough to let go of old patterns?), anxiety (am I smart enough to make the right choices?), suppression (is what I have to say worth saying? is what I’m feeling valid?), loneliness (am I worth being around?), fear (am I OK? am I safe?). There is no higher hope of mine for this book, or for any of my work, than to connect people with their self-worth and inspire them to be brave enough to hold themselves through making the changes in their life that allow them to more fully self-express. It’s my core belief that we all have an inner light and divinity and that the spiritual process is one of letting that light out into the world. Letting that light out takes a level of self-study and patience that requires a spiritual belief in “something larger than yourself” and a dedication to practices that cultivate this self-worth, this connection to the divine within. You don’t let your light out just because it is fun or easy. You do it because it’s worth doing in a way that transcends the need for reasons. But if you’re looking for reasons.... You do it because it’s worth getting up for. You do it because it’s worth getting better for; because you are strong enough to let go of the old patterns that got in your way. You do it because you trust your self to make good choices, that what you have to say is worth saying. You do it because those who shine the brightest are worth being around. You do it because the risk of staying trapped in your head is far worse than the risk of letting yourself out. You do it because ‘you simply can’t. not. do it.’
Looking forward to embarking on Act II where we explore what it means to dream out loud!
Launch of Website and Private Coaching
I’m super excited to open up my private coaching more broadly. If you’re interested in taking your yoga and meditation practices to the next level or for personalized coaching on applying the lessons in this book to your life, check out my offerings on growyourselfout.com!